Hack Your Bureaucracy

There is also a useful concept that applies here called ring theory that we borrow from caring for someone with a serious illness. In the center of the ring is the patient; the first ring around them is their immediate family; the next outer ring is extended family; then close friends; and so on. Your job is to locate yourself in the rings and share your negative feelings out, not in. If your sister-in-law has cancer, you do not go crying with your fears that she is going to die to her, or to her husband or children. You only do that to people outside your ring, such as to a friend or a work colleague. Similarly, if you’re fearful that your project isn’t going to work out, you don’t talk about that at a team meeting with your direct reports. You could get support from a trusted peer in another department, your own manager, or a personal friend. This advice is designed to help you regulate your emotions to stay calm enough to be a trusted, rational team player. We are absolutely not saying that your team shouldn’t discuss real risks or how to mitigate them; that you can’t share disappointing data; or that you should otherwise hide relevant project information from your team. But sometimes you need a friend or a counselor to share your fears with, and that can’t be the same team you are leading.